Broken to Belong by Charity Muse

Author:Charity Muse
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Charity Muse

Mae

Rachel’s intervention of sorts reminded me I needed to focus on the real crisis at hand: saving SASH. I still felt like Heather should have known how the mention of Rebecca would trigger me, but I also believed her when she said she was just trying to do the work she was brought in to do. Thinking about her apology to me sent my mental chatter to a dizzying pace.

I needed to write more to ground myself. So, I pulled out my journal in the mornings and wrote out my thoughts. Sometimes, the intensity of them frightened me, reliving moments of pain and wondering if the fires of my own torment would be reignited by Heather’s proximity.

I didn’t want to scare Dani with how dark I was feeling, but I knew I couldn’t hold it in either. So, I let her read some of my entries one evening. She touched my hand and asked me to walk outside with her.

It was late, so the unbearable heat had given away to a residing warmth. We walked along the fields as the sounds of crickets and tree frogs swelled into a chorus. The lonesome song of the whippoorwill broke through here and there. Dani held my hand, and we soaked in the beauty of the night, the stars shining down and the fireflies echoing glows back and forth through the dark.

“Mae,” Dani said softly, “I know everything happening with Heather has to be hard for you. I would imagine it makes you want to retreat, but I’m glad you aren’t shutting people out this time.”

I turned and kissed her, then lay my head over on her shoulder as we walked along.

“There’s something else, too, that I want to share with you. From a long time ago.”

I raised my head, “What is it?”

She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I had a really rough period when my parents rejected me, and I know I’ve told you a little about that. But I had another time, too. One I don’t really share with a lot of people. When I was in college, I had a really big crush on this girl, and things got complicated pretty quickly.” Dani exhaled slowly then took a breath in. “She was engaged to someone. We never crossed any lines physically, but emotionally, we got pretty tangled up, and our feelings for each other were intense. Anyway, I carried a lot of shame and rejection from that experience, and I kept it inside because I didn’t want anyone to know I had been involved with someone who was already committed to someone else. That shame nearly killed me. I sunk low into my grief, and I was so paralyzed with fear and shame that I didn’t reach out.”

I paused in my steps, and so did Dani. I looked into her eyes, barely lit by the light of the evening. “What happened?” I asked.

“Jen called me one day just to catch up, but being the great sister she is, she picked up on my tone and got me to open up to her.

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